


What's new, Barry Allen?

by YasssCiscosPheonix



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Barry is going to kill Len, Iris doesnt know Barr is the Flash, John mulaney inspired, Len is just evil, Salt and pepper diner, Whats new pussy cat is played waaay too many times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-06 04:03:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14633691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YasssCiscosPheonix/pseuds/YasssCiscosPheonix
Summary: Thank God Len saw the jukebox, otherwise it would have been such a boring day.How many plays of What's new pussycat is enough to find out who the Flash is?





	What's new, Barry Allen?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on what would happen if Len and Barry were in the Salt and pepper diner situation. I hope you enjoy   
> This work has been beta'd by some of my amazing friends

The best idea Leonard Snart ever had wasn't even connected to Captain Cold, no, it was carried out on a seemingly normal Saturday on one of his rare days off.

He was chilling (pun definitely intended) with Mick, after the hundredth time of his partner saying he was hungry, they decided to check out a new cafe that had just recently opened in the neighbourhood, 'The salt and pepper diner'. It had a olden time theme to it, there were stools and booths instead of tables, brightly painted walls and framed news articles about fights from the 1970s. Len decided he liked the cafe, the interior at least, the food was still to be tested, it reminded him of the happier times in his childhood, when he would go to diners just like that one with his mum and a newly born Lisa before their dad ruined everything. He pushed down the bad memories and went to order his food.

He should have known that if he was with Mick there was going to be a argument within the first 15 minutes; he checked his watch and rolled his eyes, 6.35 seconds of being there and he was already arguing,what Mick was arguing about he still doesn't know but he's not complaining because if Mick hadn't got so  _hot headed_ he wouldn't have formed his best plan yet.

"jus' you watch, 'm gonna torch this place down in the dead of night.” said Mick. Len was glad Mick was speaking in a hushed tone and he shook his head and dragged his friend to a booth, he made sure they got a booth that overlooked the whole diner out of habit. They were sat next to two young adults, a dark skined lady with dark brown hair and a stylish cat suit on, next to her sat a gangly boy with a few moles, neither of them were bad looking the opposite in fact, although something about the boy felt oddly familiar, he decided to leave it instead choosing to look around the rest of the cafe, and then he spotted it, the jukebox with the 'three plays for a dollar' sign he smirked and swatted Mick's chest while looking at the jukebox "Hey Mick, how'd ya like to cause some real trouble?"

                    XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He was glad for the extra $7 he stashed in his wallet that morning. As the last song faded out he sat back and prepared himself for the next hellish 50mins 

  ***DUUUUN WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT WOOOAAH WOOOAAAH WOA WOA***

he started to snickered as the second what's new pussycat started to play, he heard the dark skined lady say "Hey Barry is it just me or is What's new pussycat longer than what it was before" the boy- Barry shrugged and continued with his mountain of food, who needs that much food at 10am, he considered it for a minute "actually Iris, I think it's been played twice, I'm not sure though" the girl- Iris looked at the jukebox and sighed, Barry looked up as well but instead of looking at the jukebox his eyes traveled to Len, Len cocked his eyebrow and was slightly taken aback when the kids eyes went and he turned a lovely shade of red… Len smirked 

Scarlet 

                 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Of all people Barry had to run into today it was Captain Cold, he sighed then realised he was still staring he went back to eating while colourfully cursing Snart. 

***DUUUUN WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT WOOOAAH WOOOAAAH WOA WOA***

"Okay, either someone has played What's new pussycat 4! times or they've played it twice and it's a reeeeeaaaaally long song" 

"imagine how I feel." Iris patted his arm in sympathy. If his fists were clenched and he had the face of someone who just got their 30 day anger management chip and didn't want to blow it he was was blaming his speed for making minutes feel like hours. The fifth play of What's new pussycat faded out it was silent, Barry was glad for the silence then all of a sudden…

***DUUUUN WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT WOOOAAH WOOOAAAH WOA WOA***

"GODDAMMIT"

Barry lost it he pounded on the table and then went limp in his chair

*

Silverware flew everywhere and it took all of Lens energy to not burst out laughing, the same couldn't be said for Mick who was struggling to breathe while hiding his face with a menu to hide his giggles, he waited till his friend had calmed down to whisper in his ear "one more to go" Mick burst out laughing again.

                    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

See the about Mick is he was more creative than Len, just before Len was about to punch in the 8th What's new pussycat he inserted ONE It's not unusual. "The won't know what's hit 'em poor bastards" he chuckled to himself

                     XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

The tension in the diner was so thick you could almost taste it, the seventh What's new pussycat faded out, there was a deathly silence in the air then…

  ***DUN DA DUN DA ITS NOT UNUSUAL TO BE LOVED BY ANYONE***

the tension in the diner was so thick you could almost taste it,Barry had never really been one of believe in God but in that moment he didn't doubt there was one. He remembered some of his colleagues in forensics school asking him if he thought Tom Jones's It's not unusual could make grown men and women cry, the awnser was yes as long as its proceeded by 7 What's new pussycats. He took some time to just enjoy the moment even singing along, quietly of course he didn't want to ruin anything, 

***IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO FIND THAT IM IN LOVE WITH YOU OH WOAW woah wooooooaa………***

He caught Snart mouthing that last part to himself, he must've felt Barrys eyes on him because as the last few notes died down he looked up and stared Barry in the eyes, Barry found himself holding his breath. Silence. Len suddenly winked at him, Barry had a few seconds, which to him was like hours, to panic and assume that Len had found out who the Flash was before…

***DUUUUN WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT WOOOAAH WOOOAAAH WOA WOA WOA***

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Mick watched the chaos unfold, no one could handle it, people were nearly flipping over tables,.people with their head in their hands crying telling themselves it would be ok. He laughed at a few newcomers who walked into the diner and immediately left because of the atmosphere. Serves the diner people right for trying to say It's not unusual isn't a good song.

***DUUUUN WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT WOOOAAH WOOOAAAH WOA WOA WOA***

another pained groan echoed in the room, everyone looked like they had been through hell, but the kid who Lenny had been staring at looked worse than all of them, as soon as the next 

 ***DUUUUN WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT WOOOAAH WOOOAAAH WOA WOA** ***** played and the kid physically shook with anger then flopped down onto the table and sobbed something about torture and his day off, he kind of took pity on the kid after all what harm had he ever done Mick? 

                XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Controlling minor vibrations that looked like little shivers was no longer a option for the speedster, he had already used up most of his energy trying to convince himself that he couldn't just speed Len off to Iron Heights for a stupid, extremely stupid, prank, he couldn't do it anymore, standing up and fishing out a generous tip for the waiters he told Iris he was leaving, "I can't believe it, Barry Allen backing away from a challenge" Iris teased "one I'm not backing away, I'm hurriedly walking out the door and two it's not a challenge if there's not fair involvement and I don't accept it" "Oh ok, Mr attitude" he chuckled and fast walked out of the music hellhole, just before he reached the door Iris shouted out "Run Barry, save yourself" Oh the irony.

                 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Barry Allen.

The kid didn't have half a bad name, or backside. There was something really familiar about that kid, but what?

                 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

                 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was two days after the Salt and pepper diner incident when Barry got a call from a apologetic Cisco, saying that a precious artifact was being stolen at the Central City museum. He geared up and ran sped towards the scene. As he rounded the corner he caught a sight that made his blood boil.

Snart

Before he could calm himself down he was charging at Snart. He deposited the artifact back to its correct owner, only just refraining from smashing on the stand, man speed and anger don't go well together, speed before chasing after his nemesis. Snart was waiting for him a snarky comment on the tip of his tounge but before he could let it out Barry was screaming at him.

"YOOOOOUUUU" Len looked around himself with a shocked/confused look, it only took a few seconds for him to regain his composure

"Hey, kid I think you need to  _chill_ and while I would like to he..." he was cut off with Barry shouting "WHY DO YOU RUIN EVERYTHING" lightning was practicaly bouncing off him as he cornered Snart, Cisco and Caitlyn in his coms

"yo dude, you ok? Your vitals are spiking" 

"Barry have you been in contact with Bivilo again?" he huffed, more like a snarl, and turned off the coms, when he turned his attention back to the criminal he was singing to himself from where Barry had cornered him.

"pussycat, pussycat I love you, yes I do, you and your pussycat eeeyes"

Barry all but roared

*

"GODDAMMIT" 

Familiar. But he didn't have time to think about how because the lightning that was bouncing around Flash was now heading for him, he ducked and rolled away, his bones wouldn't thank him later but then again it's better than what was going to happen. Daymn the last time he'd seen someone this angry was at the diner…

Familiar.

Barry.

"Barry Allen" Len almost smacked himself for not realising earlier. 

*

Barry felt his eyes go wider than his stomach, ok considering his appetite that was a slight exaduration but still fitting, he hurled Snart into the nearest wall, controlling his speed so he didn't kill Len he needed him to explain after all. 

"How???" Barrys voice betrayed him as he went to shout at the other man, opting for a pissed off whisper instead, gripping Snarts jacket with more force to show his anger.

... Snart just smirked and leaned into the wall

"Tell me now!" he wasn't even bothered to disguise his voice anymore 

"Now now, Barry" Snarts piercing blue eyes flickered up to meet Barrys emerald ones "Your going to have to take me to dinner first if you want a love confession, and a fancy restaurant as well, I can't stand  _fast_ food"

 Barrys had an almost death like grip on his jacket, "No Snart" he said it as if it burned…froze? his tounge to say the criminals name. "There will be no! dinner, there will be no! love confessions, but what will happen is your going to tell me how you found out my name"

"Fine" Snart pushed the other man off and started to slowly walking away, to put some space between him and the speedster, he 'inspected' the cold gun "But first awnser me this" he shot a layer of ice in the air and hid behind it "WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT WOOOAAH WOOOAAAH WOA WOA WOA"

Barry lost all sense, lightning flew everywhere "FORFLIPSSAKEWHYWOULDYOU…do…this……"

* 

It was easy to see when Flash put two and two together, even from the sheet of ice he was hid behind. He knocked said ice the out way of the way when he was sure it was safe. The kid had pulled his cowl back, his cheeks still slightly _…_ scarlet from screaming, his eyes pleading as he stepped to Len

"You can't tell anyone" Len almost felt bad for him. Almost 

"One, anger is not a _cool_ look on you, and Two. See kid, my loyalties lie with two people, Lisa and Mick, this was demonstrated when I was forced to get revenge on someone in the form of playing 21 What's new pussycats and 1 It's not unusual, then icing the plug so they would learn their lesson about messing with him" Barrys looked horrified, it was a cute look on him if he did say so himself.

"One. Stop using puns this is serious" the small smile painted on his lips told a different story "And two. I know that but how about this" the kid took another step towards Len and placed a hand on his shoulder, Len gave the hand a questioning look till the speedster removed it "I don't cart you off to Iron Heights in exchange that you don't tell anyone!, and I mean anyone, my identity"

He turned around and started walking to his motorcycle "Say I did tell the city your identity and you did cart me off to Iron Heights, we both know I would get out with a little prison break. So tell me Barry, what would you do then?" he sat on his ride and waited for his response. Of all the things he expected Barry to do he didn't expect the younger man to smirk and turn his coms on.

* 

"Cisco, proceed with project revenge"

* 

All confusion slipped from Len as the crooning voice of Tom Jones enveloped his ears.  _What's new pussycat wooooooaa wooooooaa woa woa woa_

"Do we have a deal or are you going to make me play it more than 11 times" 

"Deal"

                                    X

 The end


End file.
